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Looper The Movie Sucked and Here Is Why

Submitted by on October 1, 2012 – 5:37 am 6 Comments

Looper The Movie Sucked

I am going to spare you all the usual filler copy of going on for three paragraphs explaining the detailed plot of the movie. I figure that if you are here, then you understand the basic premise of Looper starring Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the same character separated by 30 years across time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the premise of the movie, it’s an excellent idea for a movie and has the potential to be a real mind bender. It’s the execution of the movie where this breaks down. Badly.

I’m sure a lot of people including myself was hoping to see a Bruce Willis action sci-fi movie. By the end of the movie I felt as if I had fallen for one those “Bait & Switch” scams you see run on Craigslist or something. One of my biggest complaints about this movie is just that, Bruce Willis doesn’t show up until an hour into the movie with his and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s onscreen time totaling less than 5 minutes together. If you’ve seen the extended movie trailers of them in the roadside diner together, then you’ve seen about 95% of their entire interaction with each other. Bruce Willis’ total time in this movie is less than 15 minutes out of the 1 hr 58 min running time and that’s where the bait & switch comes into play as this was promoted as a Bruce Willis movie. Another massive fail is trying to credibly pass off JGL as Bruce Willis. Newsflash for the director Rian Johnson, we all know exactly what Bruce Willis looked like 30 years ago and it isn’t remotely in the same ballpark as JGL with or without a 6 hour makeup job!

The character development for the part of older Joe played by Bruce Willis is very inefficient (I’m being kind here). You’re supposed to feel sympathy for him when his wife 30 years into the future gets killed as the Gatmen are bagging him up for transport back to 2044 but there isn’t any, why you ask? Because you’re still trying to visually accept what you just saw a few minutes earlier, an obvious 55+ Bruce Willis shirtless snuggled up to a Chinese hottie at least two and half decades his junior contemplating having kids……you could here the groans across the audience, it was hard to watch and this defintly falls into things you wished you could unsee. This also happens right about the same time you just finished watching an accelerated time line of “Joe” age 30 years via 1 year, 5 year, 12 year etc….flashes. It starts with JGL and whamo….a switch into Bruce Willis that makes you go WTF, are you kidding me???? Once again massive fail on passing off JGL as Bruce Willis.

I could bitch about this for another six paragraphs but I’ll just sum it up like this. I waited for this movie for two months watching all the previews, reading most of the pre-release news on it and it feels like the following unpleasant scenario.

Seeing Looper feels like having a date with an ultra hot chic you planned on for two months, not only that, but you see her everyday at work and when the anticipated day arrives, she looks like she just stepped right out of Playboy magazine, every single thing about her just sizzles and damn you’re excited. The night progresses flawlessly and you’re making your smoothest moves like a pro.  A little while later you’re back at her place having tantrum level foreplay right in the den of love when she changes gears with no warning and says “You know, like I don’t do this on the first date, let’s play a game of Scrabble”, ….yes it’s that kind of a blind side let down that leaves you with a consuming feeling of incompleteness as you drive home.

My only hope here is that someone in the future “closes the loop” on this P.O.S., remakes it the way it should have been and sends it back to our time for the golden payday.

Recommendation: Wait for DVD and hopefully use a promo code for a freebie.

6 Comments »

  • Carrie says:

    I like the movie but I have to agree it was a stretch casting Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a young Bruce Willis.

  • Madpen says:

    When Willis and what’s his face was at the diner my mind kept flashing images of Willis when he was in Moon lighting. I heard it being dubbed as the next Matrix I don’t see it.

  • Theresa says:

    I spent the WHOLE movie thinking about the crappy makeup/prosthetics on the kid. It’s all I could focus on. Until Willis showed up the movie was a total snore fest and nearly unwatchable. The movie finally became somewhat interesting when Emily Blunt showed up, but too late.

    And that the solution was to kill himself and not the tragically damaged psycho kid? Really? REALLY?

    Ok, not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but certainly the worst movie I’ve ever seen each of the following actors in:

    Emily Blunt
    Bruce Willis
    Joseph Gordon-Levitt
    Jeff Daniels
    Tracie Toms

    Sadly, Piper Perabo, who I actually like, has been in worse drek than this.

    So sad, and bad.

  • Ben says:

    This movie sucks but you totally missed why. Who actually gives a crap if they looked like each other anyway. Looper was garbage for so many other ways. Beware spoilers ahead.

    The mafia from the future sends people they want killed back in time because the authorities have some type of tracking device. Also they can change the location of the end location of the time travel. So why not time travel them back to the middle of the ocean? or space? or the middle of the Earth?

    This aside the assasin they are sent back to uses a blunderbus of all things. They even say in the movie that the gun is only accurate up to 15 feet. OMFG there are gats, which I cant stand the name of they arent in the ghetto. Or maybe, just maybe the mafia from the future would send back a future type weapon that could do the job easier.

    This also aside why are people driving normal cars with horrible add ons to make them look futuristic. There are solar panels taped to the hood of cars and the rest of the special effects looked like crap. Low production value.

    Now all this aside the main reason this movie is total shit, is that the rules of a looper defeat the entire purpose of the movie. A looper is a contracted killer who recieves silver for each kill. Until the time comes when they complete their loop, kill their future selves, and earn a golden payout. Then the looper is out of the game and lives life for 30 years and the loop ends. The purpose of the freakin movie is for Bruce Willis to come back and kill the Rainmaker because he is closing loops. Loops are closed after thirty years of living anyway. TK kid being the head of the mafia or not. Loops end and whatever Bruce does willl not stop that

  • beeeeeg says:

    Stupid movie! Homely looking kid too who all he did is make ugly faces and mouth off to his mother!

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